finally able to upload my pictures! stupid xanga maintenance for 48 hours ++ -.- collected our visas today. I AM DAMN AS HELL SAD. fuckkkkk. in 3 and half weeks ill be gone & up & away in the sky making my way to the oh so boring new zealand. dont know how im gonna fucking survive but since so many of my friends have their partners overseas/ they themselves go overseas, i should think we can do it too? i won’t say that i’m not thankful for this opportunity to go overseas to study, many people want to yet cannot, so i am thankful to be able to have this chance. but i hate how ill be 10 hours away by plane from all my friends & of cos, fatty as well. i hate how i cannot send fatty off into army because ill be gone 3 weeks before he gets enlisted. i hate how i cannot meet him on weekends & roam around town tgt. i hate how ill be in uni alone, WITH NO FUCKING FRIENDS. i hate how i cannot call fatty during my breaks & tell him who is eating w me, what i am doing, where i am & send random mms-es. i hate how i cannot text my friends freely & call them to go shopping w me. i hate how it’ll be winter when i arrive, so it’ll be fucking depressing & there will be no sun which adds on to my misery. i hate how i cannot watch movies with people i love. i hate how im gonna spend my time in nz studying & studying & studying because THERE IS NOTHING TO DO THERE BESIDES STUDY. (trust me, if youve been to nz before youll know what im talking about-.- malls are 1/4 size of singapore’s & people population of 1 million in a LARGE AREA OF LAND compared to SG’s 5 million in such a small space) i hate how i cannot touch/see fatty physically & i cannot poke his fats & squeeze his face & hold his hand & smell his shirt. i hate about almost everything that my life is about to become. I CANNOT IMAGINE LIFE IN NZ IN FUCKING WINTER WHEN IT TURNS DARK AT 4PM (SG 12PM) I WILL CRY EVERYDAY & LIKE GET DEPRESSED
or maybe i should live in self denial & tell myself this is for the best. since God granted us our student visas & my parents work visas while awaiting nz pr, i believe He has a purpose for allowing us to go at this time, & what i cannot see, only He can. so i should trust God that he will take care of fatty in army, that he will be safe & make good friends who will not lead him astray (!!!) & that at the end of the day everything will work out for my family + fatty when he goes over to nz in time to come. i just pray that this is the right decision that we’re making.